Penguin Problems


People often think that a penguin’s life is pleasant, that they’re never under pressure and that every day’s a present. These people aren’t presumptuous, they’re simply absent minded. If they just paid attention they would know the plight of penguins and wouldn’t need to be reminded.

For the working class penguin the commute is no doddle, for whilst other birds can fly they can only waddle. But penguins are resourceful and, not content to dawdle they built themselves a transport link using London as a model. They drilled tunnels into the ice, making lots of separate lanes, then against expert advice they employed the whales as trains.

First they got the orca to take them to and fro. It seemed a good decision, but no one could envision just how bad it could go. See penguins are quite trusting, you could call them naïve, and not one of them suspected that they might have been deceived. Orca are very cunning, they’re the ocean’s biggest sinners, but still it was quite stunning when they ate the penguins for dinner.

Whilst the penguins were disturbed the mayor was yet undaunted, and the next day, in the ocean paper, there was an add reading “trains wanted”. They tried many different creatures to be their transport link but their many varied features caused a lot of stink.

They banned the use of barnacles since they’re an unhygienic race, then some cacophonic tuna took the place of plaice. Fish were a poor choice, it seemed the staff were lacking. Eventually they realised the penguins had been snacking. So they moved onto molluscs in the hope the service would improve but the octopus were hopeless and clams don’t even move. Then they used a turtle (the idea seemed pretty great) but turtles don’t exactly hurtle and so the trains were always late. Despite their valiant efforts their attempts were all in vain. Until the penguins finally voted to just use a fucking train.

Now the penguins rush and stumble when they hear the train approach and you can hear them crush and grumble as they pack into the coach. And though they may get sweaty and the commute seems like a chore, these complaints are simply petty compared to how things were before.

So you see, penguins have it rough throughout their working day. It’s a good job that they’re tough enough to enjoy life anyway.

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