A Letter of Truths

     

Bet you thought you wouldn’t hear from me this week…! Ha!

Right so, so many things on my mind. Let me go in geological order:

I meal prepped! Duh. I always meal prep. This week I did fish en papillote, which is fish in little parchment packets, with olive tapenade and chard. I did some thinly sliced potatoes on the side, because carbs. I cooked them (the potatoes) a little too long and they came out tasting like French fries, which was a major win. The fish packets are a great quick meal, especially if you like fish. I don’t like fish. Why did I make them? I bought so much damn fish when I moved here and froze it all. I have no idea why. Now I have to force myself to eat fish. So not ideal, but this is a good way to do it.

Doesn’t really require much in the way of seasoning or condiments: I chopped the chard, put on parchment, squeezed lemon. Put fish, spooned tapenade, some pepper, and then crimped the edges. Baked it for maybe 20 mins (a little longer to be honest bc the insides may still have been frozen), but it looks appropriately impressive if you cut the packets open at the table and all the steam billows out. Just saying. Also, my strawberries did not taste like garlic this week, fyi.

Secondly, one of my closest friends submitted her dphil thesis this week. She has overcome so so much in the last year and I am just unbelievably proud of her. Yay.

Thirdly, I wrote a manifesto yesterday. Like a manifesto of self. I did a really stupid thing and googled “how to get a surgery residency” and apparently I’ve f***ed all those things up already and am completely screwed. So not ideal. But then while I was panicking I was thinking that now would probably be an appropriate time to have some hard conversations with myself and face some truths I haven’t wanted to acknowledge, or I suppose don’t really know how to acknowledge. Like why I went to medical school. Why did I? I don’t know, really. People ask me all the time and I sort of hem and haw and come off sounding really inauthentic and not genuine, which I think ends up hurting me a lot. But I really don’t know how to explain it. It sounds so trite to me, so overused and lame, to say things like, oh I like to help people. Etc etc. But it’s true! Damnit it’s true. Ugh. Anyway, I spent the better part of two hours composing this manifesto, this letter of truths, to myself. Maybe I’ll post some of it here, but first I’m hoping to try to use some of it to craft my personal statement. I think there’s some good stuff there – things I need to be honest about, about why I like medicine and surgery in particular, what draws me to it. It’s really important for me to feel like I’m being honest, because then I know I can really open up and be passionate and shine. And that’s how you make a good impression. Luckily I’ve still got a few more months before I need to submit my application but…this may be one of the first times I’ve ever planned something like this this far in advance, so go me! Usually I have no trouble conveying my thoughts and feelings, but this one has me stumped. I suppose the more important it is to you, the more personal, the closer you are, and therefore the harder it is to articulate, no? Anyway this week has been struggle city a little, I’ve been fighting off a cold, working at the clinic late, so it’s so comforting to know that I’ve at least taken some baby steps, and now all these thoughts can percolate and marinate until they miraculously form a cohesive story in my head. I’ll keep you posted!

I also have a whole rant about all the pages and websites and articles that are like, “you must do this to upgrade your cooking”, or “this is how you should be cooking your chicken”, or “this is what you should be watching on Netflix this week”. Stop trying to tell me what to do. Yes I know I might have an issue with authority but this is just another example of how advertising and mainstream media or whatever it is encourage people to become all the same, a mindless thoughtless homogenous mass devouring the same content, the same chicken, the same shows. Barf. It’s like we’re all turning into fleshy blobs sitting in front of our computers, happily and mindlessly bobbing along while they (the nebulous “they”) suck our souls and uniqueness through our screens. That’s what I picture in my head, anyway. Just some food for thought. Rant over!

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