So Chief and I have made some moves since the last time I checked in on this blog platform. We are sharing a farm with friends of ours from church. I was heartbroken to leave my last farm, as I loved the owners and the women there. But, this was a great opportunity to save some money by taking on the responsibility of this property. Craig and I always talk about having our own property one day and what better way to figure out if this is something I really want!
We also have made the move to get my mom her own horse. And let me tell you, what a great experience we have had with the Standardbred rescue in New Jersey. I have recently heard Standardbreds described as the “Labrador Retrievers” of the horse world, which is the most true statement I have ever heard. They are so lovely, seem to enjoy humans, and are so willing. And he and my mom connect so well and are doing so great together.
That being said, I have been pretty tired lately. I don’t even really feel like I am working that hard. But sometimes it would be nice to go right home from work and get stuff done at my house… which I do when my mom feeds at night. But I am in this weird season where sometimes I feel like I would rather not have a horse.
Don’t get me wrong. I love Chief, and would never ever get rid of him. We finally have this great bond of trust and I am his person. But I think the combination of this being our 5th year together, coming out of a long winter a this being a long family year full of trials is making me feel kind of blah about this season of my horse life.
But I am being gentle with myself because I feel such guilt over feeling this way. I mean, talk about first world problems for sure! But the other ladies (my mom and Sarah) are so gung ho about their horses and all I can think of is all the crap I have to pick up in the fields, and how monotonous my life feels when it comes to my daily responsibilities, home, work and barn. So it is hard to explain to them as they are brand new horse owners… and I remember feeling that way. I know I need to switch things up but am not sure about what direction to go in yet. Chief is such a machine about everything we have learned together. I think maybe we need to take some new lessons and get a fresh start with things that challenge us.
On the other hand, I have been feeling so much more connected spiritually, which has felt like a desert for quite a while now. I have been so in love with my church, its music and people. My Sunday school kids are the best, my co teacher is amazing and I am looking forward to getting more involved with the kids of the church. So it is strange to feel so disconnected in one area of my life, but feel so connected in another. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever get it all together, at the same time.
I feel like my brain is wired weirdly, like I want everything and nothing at the same time. One day I want to learn how to play the violin again, sew blankets for the homeless, write poetry and be out in nature; but the next day I want to curl up in my bed and cannot even focus on the book I am reading! I am calling this my weird winter, and I think with my Jamaican vacation coming, I will clear my head and be able to welcome back spring into my heart and really jump into this new horse season.